August 26, 2016 – As caregivers we have become conditioned to the definition and expectations that one who is a caregiver or one who gives service morphs into someone who is dedicated to helping others at whatever cost it may take from the caregiver. Caregivers for family members may not have planned on this service job which may be a “job” never anticipated and often one where the training comes through experience, reading, gleaning advice from others or any other reference which might be helpful to this “new” unexpected career.

However, there is another kind of service. I suppose I could have hooked it onto last weeks post. All people in need do not necessarily require one who is at their beck and call to run errands, clean their houses, care for wounds or even supervise a bath or shower. Needs are as individual as is the recipient.


There are many people in our world, who have a need, and it’s a charitable need. No matter their own health condition, often encumbered by a wheel chair or other medical aids, whose life has always been spent in doing for others: wives devoted for caring for their husbands, mothers dedicating a lifetime in caring for their children, and women, in general who volunteer in all sorts of service projects. Many volunteering their time at various agencies in caring for the disadvantaged. These people are content and are happiest in doing for others even though through aging and medical issues would fall in the category of “patient in need.”


My friend Jayne, and I written about her in other posts, and in my forthcoming second book, “Journey Into The Fog,” is one of those people. She was a live-in caregiver for my parents. She stayed with them, when I couldn’t be there until they both passed. My mom went first and nine months later my father.

And now she has failing health. I strive to be there for her to do those small things she cannot. However, she somehow manages to get things done, and she does have an aid who comes bi-weekly to help with showers and other personal needs.

Jayne is happiest, though, when I accept a dinner invitation: for me alone, or will include my daughter Debbie when she is visiting from Utah. Jayne fusses too much, and won’t allow us to contribute even the dessert. She does ask, at times for me to heat something in the microwave which is located above the stove and beyond her reach. Her meals are delicious and often more than we can eat. So for a hug and a compliment about the food, we leave in due time and she insists on cleaning her dishes without our help. She just enjoys her ability to still do something for others. What we give her with our presence is not only our company, but the joy that comes from doing something nice for someone else: Serving others.

It’s important to make sincere allowances for all to extend loving service in a manner they can do, even if their physical abilities are limited. So, if a disabled friend invites you for dinner, go, enjoy yourself, and allow her/him to extend service in their own way. But try to help with the cleanup, no matter how much  she refuses. One day I will win the battle with Jayne.



Originally posted 2016-08-28 05:14:35.

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